The Adventures of Sir Launcelot Greaves Read online

  CHAPTER ONE

  IN WHICH CERTAIN PERSONAGES OF THIS DELIGHTFUL HISTORY ARE INTRODUCED TOTHE READER'S ACQUAINTANCE.

  It was on the great northern road from York to London, about thebeginning of the month of October, and the hour of eight in the evening,that four travellers were, by a violent shower of rain, driven forshelter into a little public-house on the side of the highway,distinguished by a sign which was said to exhibit the figure of a blacklion. The kitchen, in which they assembled, was the only room forentertainment in the house, paved with red bricks, remarkably clean,furnished with three or four Windsor chairs, adorned with shining platesof pewter, and copper saucepans, nicely scoured, that even dazzled theeyes of the' beholder; while a cheerful fire of sea-coal blazed in thechimney. Three of the travellers, who arrived on horseback, having seentheir cattle properly accommodated in the stable, agreed to pass thetime, until the weather should clear up, over a bowl of rumbo, which wasaccordingly prepared. But the fourth, refusing to join their company,took his station at the opposite side of the chimney, and called for apint of twopenny, with which he indulged himself apart. At a littledistance, on his left hand, there was another group, consisting of thelandlady, a decent widow, her two daughters, the elder of whom seemed tobe about the age of fifteen, and a country lad, who served both as waiterand ostler.

  The social triumvirate was composed of Mr. Fillet, a country practitionerin surgery and midwifery, Captain Crowe, and his nephew Mr. ThomasClarke, an attorney. Fillet was a man of some education, and a greatdeal of experience, shrewd, sly, and sensible. Captain Crowe hadcommanded a merchant ship in the Mediterranean trade for many years, andsaved some money by dint of frugality and traffic. He was an excellentseaman, brave, active, friendly in his way, and scrupulously honest; butas little acquainted with the world as a sucking child; whimsical,impatient, and so impetuous, that he could not help breaking in upon theconversation, whatever it might be, with repeated interruptions, thatseemed to burst from him by involuntary impulse. When he himselfattempted to speak he never finished his period; but made such a numberof abrupt transitions, that his discourse seemed to be an unconnectedseries of unfinished sentences, the meaning of which it was not easy todecipher.

  His nephew, Tom Clarke, was a young fellow, whose goodness ofheart even the exercise of his profession had not been able to corrupt.Before strangers he never owned himself an attorney without blushing,though he had no reason to blush for his own practice, for he constantlyrefused to engage in the cause of any client whose character wasequivocal, and was never known to act with such industry as whenconcerned for the widow and orphan, or any other object that sued informa pauperis. Indeed, he was so replete with human kindness, that asoften as an affecting story or circumstance was told in his hearing, itoverflowed at his eyes. Being of a warm complexion, he was verysusceptible of passion, and somewhat libertine in his amours. In otherrespects, he piqued himself on understanding the practice of the courts,and in private company he took pleasure in laying down the law; but hewas an indifferent orator, and tediously circumstantial in hisexplanations. His stature was rather diminutive; but, upon the whole, hehad some title to the character of a pretty, dapper, little fellow.

  The solitary guest had something very forbidding in his aspect, which wascontracted by an habitual frown. His eyes were small and red, and sodeep set in the sockets, that each appeared like the unextinguished snuffof a farthing candle, gleaming through the horn of a dark lanthorn. Hisnostrils were elevated in scorn, as if his sense of smelling had beenperpetually offended by some unsavoury odour; and he looked as if hewanted to shrink within himself from the impertinence of society. Hewore a black periwig as straight as the pinions of a raven, and this wascovered with a hat flapped, and fastened to his head by a speckledhandkerchief tied under his chin. He was wrapped in a greatcoat of brownfrieze, under which he seemed to conceal a small bundle. His name wasFerret, and his character distinguished by three peculiarities. He wasnever seen to smile; he was never heard to speak in praise of any personwhatsoever; and he was never known to give a direct answer to anyquestion that was asked; but seemed, on all occasions, to be actuated bythe most perverse spirit of contradiction.

  Captain Crowe, having remarked that it was squally weather, asked how farit was to the next market town; and understanding that the distance wasnot less than six miles, said he had a good mind to come to an anchor forthe night, if so be as he could have a tolerable berth in this hereharbour. Mr. Fillet, perceiving by his style that he was a seafaringgentleman, observed that their landlady was not used to lodge suchcompany; and expressed some surprise that he, who had no doubt endured somany storms and hardships at sea, should think much of travelling five orsix miles a-horseback by moonlight. "For my part," said he, "I ride inall weathers, and at all hours, without minding cold, wet, wind, ordarkness. My constitution is so case-hardened that I believe I couldlive all the year at Spitzbergen. With respect to this road, I knowevery foot of it so exactly, that I'll engage to travel forty miles uponit blindfold, without making one false step; and if you have faith enoughto put yourselves under my auspices, I will conduct you safe to anelegant inn, where you will meet with the best accommodation." "Thankyou, brother," replied the captain, "we are much beholden to you for yourcourteous offer; but, howsomever, you must not think I mind foul weathermore than my neighbours. I have worked hard aloft and alow in many ataut gale; but this here is the case, d'ye see; we have run down a longday's reckoning; our beasts have had a hard spell; and as for my own hap,brother, I doubt my bottom-planks have lost some of their sheathing,being as how I a'n't used to that kind of scrubbing."

  The doctor, who had practised aboard a man-of-war in his youth, and wasperfectly well acquainted with the captain's dialect, assured him that ifhis bottom was damaged he would new pay it with an excellent salve, whichhe always carried about him to guard against such accidents on the road.But Tom Clarke, who seemed to have cast the eyes of affection upon thelandlady's eldest daughter, Dolly, objected to their proceeding fartherwithout rest and refreshment, as they had already travelled fifty milessince morning; and he was sure his uncle must be fatigued both in mindand body, from vexation, as well as from hard exercise, to which he hadnot been accustomed. Fillet then desisted, saying, he was sorry to findthe captain had any cause of vexation; but he hoped it was not anincurable evil. This expression was accompanied with a look ofcuriosity, which Mr. Clarke was glad of an occasion to gratify; for, aswe have hinted above, he was a very communicative gentleman, and theaffair which now lay upon his stomach interested him nearly.

  "I'll assure you, sir," said he, "this here gentleman, Captain Crowe, whois my mother's own brother, has been cruelly used by some of hisrelations. He bears as good a character as any captain of a ship on theRoyal Exchange, and has undergone a variety of hardships at sea. Whatd'ye think, now, of his bursting all his sinews, and making his eyesstart out of his head, in pulling his ship off a rock, whereby he savedto his owners"----Here he was interrupted by the captain, whoexclaimed, "Belay, Tom, belay; pr'ythee, don't veer out such a deal ofjaw. Clap a stopper on thy cable and bring thyself up, my lad--what adeal of stuff thou has pumped up concerning bursting and starting, andpulling ships; Laud have mercy upon us!--look ye here, brother--look yehere--mind these poor crippled joints; two fingers on the starboard, andthree on the larboard hand; crooked, d'ye see, like the knees of abilander. I'll tell you what, brother, you seem to be a--ship deepladen--rich cargo--current setting into the bay--hard gale--lee shore--all hands in the boat--tow round the headland--self pulling for dearblood, against the whole crew--snap go the finger-braces--crack went theeye-blocks. Bounce daylight--flash starlight--down I foundered, dark ashell--whiz went my ears, and my head spun like a whirligig. That don'tsignify--I'm a Yorkshire boy, as the saying is--all my life at sea,brother, by reason of an old grandmother and maiden aunt, a couple of oldstinking--kept me these forty years out of my grandfather's estate.Hearing as how they had taken their departure, came
ashore, hired horses,and clapped on all my canvas, steering to the northward, to takepossession of my--But it don't signify talking--these two old piratical--had held a palaver with a lawyer--an attorney, Tom, d'ye mind me, anattorney--and by his assistance hove me out of my inheritance. That isall, brother--hove me out of five hundred pounds a year--that's all--whatsignifies--but such windfalls we don't every day pick up along shore.Fill about, brother--yes, by the L--d! those two smuggling harridans,with the assistance of an attorney--an attorney, Tom--hove me out of fivehundred a year." "Yes, indeed, sir," added Mr. Clarke, "those twomalicious old women docked the intail, and left the estate to an alien."

  Here Mr. Ferret thought proper to intermingle in the conversation with a"Pish, what dost talk of docking the intail? Dost not know that by thestatute Westm. 2, 13 Ed. the will and intention of the donor must befulfilled, and the tenant in tail shall not alien after issue had, orbefore." "Give me leave, sir," replied Tom, "I presume you are apractitioner in the law. Now, you know, that in the case of a contingentremainder, the intail may be destroyed by levying a fine, and suffering arecovery, or otherwise destroying the particular estate, before thecontingency happens. If feoffees, who possess an estate only during thelife of a son, where divers remainders are limited over, make a feoffmentin fee to him, by the feoffment, all the future remainders are destroyed.Indeed, a person in remainder may have a writ of intrusion, if any dointrude after the death of a tenant for life, and the writ ex graviquerela lies to execute a device in remainder after the death of a tenantin tail without issue." "Spoke like a true disciple of Geber," criesFerret. "No, sir," replied Mr. Clarke, "Counsellor Caper is in theconveyancing way--I was clerk to Serjeant Croker." "Ay, now you may setup for yourself," resumed the other; "for you can prate as unintelligiblyas the best of them."

  "Perhaps," said Tom, "I do not make myself understood; if so be as howthat is the case, let us change the position, and suppose that this herecase is a tail after a possibility of issue extinct. If a tenant in tailafter a possibility make a feoffment of his land, he in reversion mayenter for the forfeiture. Then we must make a distinction betweengeneral tail and special tail. It is the word body that makes theintail: there must be a body in the tail, devised to heirs male orfemale, otherwise it is a fee-simple, because it is not limited of whatbody. Thus a corporation cannot be seized in tail. For example, here isa young woman--What is your name, my dear?" "Dolly," answered thedaughter, with a curtsey. "Here's Dolly--I seize Dolly in tail--Dolly, Iseize you in tail"--"Sha't then," cried Dolly, pouting. "I am seized ofland in fee--I settle on Dolly in tail."

  Dolly, who did not comprehend the nature of the illustration, understoodhim in a literal sense, and, in a whimpering tone, exclaimed, "Sha'tthen, I tell thee, cursed tuoad!" Tom, however, was so transported withhis subject, that he took no notice of poor Dolly's mistake, butproceeded in his harangue upon the different kinds of tails, remainders,and seisins, when he was interrupted by a noise that alarmed the wholecompany. The rain had been succeeded by a storm of wind that howledaround the house with the most savage impetuosity, and the heavens wereovercast in such a manner that not one star appeared, so that all withoutwas darkness and uproar. This aggravated the horror of divers loudscreams, which even the noise of the blast could not exclude from theears of our astonished travellers. Captain Crowe called out, "Avast,avast!" Tom Clarke sat silent, staring wildly, with his mouth stillopen; the surgeon himself seemed startled, and Ferret's countenancebetrayed evident marks of confusion. The ostler moved nearer thechimney, and the good woman of the house, with her two daughters, creptcloser to the company.

  After some pause, the captain starting up, "These," said he, "be signalsof distress. Some poor souls in danger of foundering--let us bear upa-head, and see if we can give them any assistance." The landlady beggedhim, for Christ's sake, not to think of going out, for it was a spiritthat would lead him astray into fens and rivers, and certainly do him amischief. Crowe seemed to be staggered by this remonstrance, which hisnephew reinforced, observing, that it might be a stratagem of rogues todecoy them into the fields, that they might rob them under the cloud ofnight. Thus exhorted, he resumed his seat, and Mr. Ferret began to makevery severe strictures upon the folly and fear of those who believed andtrembled at the visitation of spirits, ghosts, and goblins. He said hewould engage with twelve pennyworth of phosphorus to frighten a wholeparish out of their senses; then he expatiated on the pusillanimity ofthe nation in general, ridiculed the militia, censured the government,and dropped some hints about a change of hands, which the captain couldnot, and the doctor would not, comprehend.

  Tom Clarke, from the freedom of his discourse, concluded he was aministerial spy, and communicated his opinion to his uncle in a whisper,while this misanthrope continued to pour forth his invectives with afluency peculiar to himself. The truth is, Mr. Ferret had been a partywriter, not from principle, but employment, and had felt the rod ofpower, in order to avoid a second exertion of which, he now found itconvenient to skulk about in the country, for he had received intimationof a warrant from the secretary of state, who wanted to be betteracquainted with his person. Notwithstanding the ticklish nature of hissituation, it was become so habitual to him to think and speak in acertain manner, that even before strangers whose principles andconnexions he could not possibly know, he hardly ever opened his mouth,without uttering some direct or implied sarcasm against the government.

  He had already proceeded a considerable way in demonstrating, that thenation was bankrupt and beggared, and that those who stood at the helmwere steering full into the gulf of inevitable destruction, when hislecture was suddenly suspended by a violent knocking at the door, whichthreatened the whole house with inevitable demolition. Captain Crowe,believing they should be instantly boarded, unsheathed his hanger, andstood in a posture of defence. Mr. Fillet armed himself with the poker,which happened to be red hot; the ostler pulled down a rusty firelock,that hung by the roof, over a flitch of bacon. Tom Clarke perceiving thelandlady and her children distracted with terror, conducted them, out ofmere compassion, below stairs into the cellar; and as for Mr. Ferret, heprudently withdrew into an adjoining pantry.

  But as a personage of great importance in this entertaining history wasforced to remain some time at the door before he could gain admittance,so must the reader wait with patience for the next chapter, in which hewill see the cause of this disturbance explained much to his comfort andedification.