The Adventures of Sir Launcelot Greaves Read online

  CHAPTER TWO

  IN WHICH THE HERO OF THESE ADVENTURES MAKES HIS FIRST APPEARANCE ON THESTAGE OF ACTION.

  The outward door of the Black Lion had already sustained two dreadfulshocks, but at the third it flew open, and in stalked an apparition thatsmote the hearts of our travellers with fear and trepidation. It was thefigure of a man armed cap-a-pee, bearing on his shoulders a bundledropping with water, which afterwards appeared to be the body of a manthat seemed to have been drowned, and fished up from the bottom of theneighbouring river.

  Having deposited his burden carefully on the floor, he addressed himselfto the company in these words: "Be not surprised, good people, at thisunusual appearance, which I shall take an opportunity to explain, andforgive the rude and boisterous manner in which I have demanded, andindeed forced admittance; the violence of my intrusion was the effect ofnecessity. In crossing the river, my squire and his horse were sweptaway by the stream, and, with some difficulty, I have been able to draghim ashore, though I am afraid my assistance reached him too late, forsince I brought him to land he has given no signs of life."

  Here he was interrupted by a groan, which issued from the chest of thesquire, and terrified the spectators as much as it comforted the master.After some recollection, Mr. Fillet began to undress the body, which waslaid in a blanket on the floor, and rolled from side to side by hisdirection. A considerable quantity of water being discharged from themouth of this unfortunate squire, he uttered a hideous roar, and, openinghis eyes, stared wildly around. Then the surgeon undertook for hisrecovery; and his master went forth with the ostler in quest of thehorses, which he had left by the side of the river. His back was nosooner turned, than Ferret, who had been peeping from behind thepantry-door, ventured to rejoin the company; pronouncing with a smile,or rather grin, of contempt, "Hey-day! what precious mummery is this?What, are we to have the farce of Hamlet's ghost?" "Adzooks," cried thecaptain, "My kinsman Tom has dropped astern--hope in God a-has not bulgedto, and gone to bottom." "Pish," exclaimed the misanthrope, "there's nodanger; the young lawyer is only seizing Dolly in tail."

  Certain it is, Dolly squeaked at that instant in the cellar; and Clarkeappearing soon after in some confusion, declared she had been frightenedby a flash of lightning. But this assertion was not confirmed by theyoung lady herself, who eyed him with a sullen regard, indicatingdispleasure, though not indifference; and when questioned by her mother,replied, "A doan't maind what a-says, so a doan't, vor all his goaldenjacket, then."

  In the meantime the surgeon had performed the operation of phlebotomy onthe squire, who was lifted into a chair, and supported by the landladyfor that purpose; but he had not as yet given any sign of havingretrieved the use of his senses. And here Mr. Fillet could not helpcontemplating, with surprise, the strange figure and accoutrements of hispatient, who seemed in age to be turned of fifty. His stature was belowthe middle size; he was thick, squat, and brawny, with a smallprotuberance on one shoulder, and a prominent belly, which, inconsequence of the water he had swallowed, now strutted beyond its usualdimensions. His forehead was remarkably convex, and so very low, thathis black bushy hair descended within an inch of his nose; but this didnot conceal the wrinkles of his front, which were manifold. His smallglimmering eyes resembled those of the Hampshire porker, that turns upthe soil with his projecting snout. His cheeks were shrivelled andpuckered at the corners, like the seams of a regimental coat as it comesfrom the hands of the contractor. His nose bore a strong analogy inshape to a tennis-ball, and in colour to a mulberry; for all the water ofthe river had not been able to quench the natural fire of that feature.His upper jaw was furnished with two long white sharp-pointed teeth orfangs, such as the reader may have observed in the chaps of a wolf, orfull-grown mastiff, and an anatomist would describe as a preternaturalelongation of the dentes canini. His chin was so long, so peaked, andincurvated, as to form in profile, with his impending forehead, the exactresemblance of a moon in the first quarter. With respect to hisequipage, he had a leathern cap upon his head, faced like those worn bymarines, and exhibiting in embroidery, the figure of a crescent. Hiscoat was of white cloth, faced with black, and cut in a very antiquefashion; and, in lieu of a waistcoat, he wore a buff jerkin. His feetwere cased with loose buskins, which, though they rose almost to hisknee, could not hide that curvature, known by the appellation of bandylegs. A large string of bandaliers garnished a broad belt that gracedhis shoulders, from whence depended an instrument of war, which wassomething between a back-sword and a cutlass; and a case of pistols werestuck in his girdle.

  Such was the figure which the whole company now surveyed with admiration.After some pause, he seemed to recover his recollection. He rolled abouthis eyes around, and, attentively surveying every individual, exclaimed,in a strange tone, "Bodikins! where's Gilbert?" This interrogation didnot savour much of sanity, especially when accompanied with a wildstare, which is generally interpreted as a sure sign of a disturbedunderstanding. Nevertheless, the surgeon endeavoured to assist hisrecollection. "Come," said he, "have a good heart.--How dost do,friend?" "Do!" replied the squire, "do as well as I can.--That's a lietoo; I might have done better. I had no business to be here." "Youought to thank God and your master," resumed the surgeon, "for theprovidential escape you have had." "Thank my master!" cried the squire,"thank the devil! Go and teach your grannum to crack filberds. I knowwho I'm bound to pray for, and who I ought to curse the longest day Ihave to live."

  Here the captain interposing, "Nay, brother," said he, "you are bound topray for this here gentleman as your sheet-anchor; for, if so be as hehad not cleared your stowage of the water you had taken in at your upperworks, and lightened your veins, d'ye see, by taking away some of yourblood, adad! you had driven before the gale, and never been brought upin this world again, d'ye see." "What, then you would persuade me,"replied the patient, "that the only way to save my life was to shed myprecious blood? Look ye, friend, it shall not be lost blood to me.--Itake you all to witness, that there surgeon, or apothecary, or farrier,or dog-doctor, or whatsoever he may be, has robbed me of the balsam oflife.--He has not left so much blood in my body as would fatten a starvedflea.--O! that there was a lawyer here to serve him with a siserari."

  Then fixing his eyes upon Ferret, he proceeded: "An't you a limb of thelaw, friend?--No, I cry you mercy, you look more like a showman or aconjurer."--Ferret, nettled at this address, answered, "It would be wellfor you, that I could conjure a little common sense into that numskull ofyours." "If I want that commodity," rejoined the squire, "I must go toanother market, I trow.--You legerdemain men be more like to conjure themoney from our pockets than sense into our skulls. Vor my own part, Iwas once cheated of vorty good shillings by one of your broother cups andballs." In all probability he would have descended to particulars, hadhe not been seized with a return of his nausea, which obliged him to callfor a bumper of brandy. This remedy being swallowed, the tumult in hisstomach subsided. He desired he might be put to bed without delay, andthat half a dozen eggs and a pound of bacon might, in a couple of hours,be dressed for his supper.

  He was accordingly led off the scene by the landlady and her daughter;and Mr. Ferret had just time to observe the fellow was a composition, inwhich he did not know whether knave or fool most predominated, when themaster returned from the stable. He had taken off his helmet, and nowdisplayed a very engaging countenance. His age did not seem to exceedthirty. He was tall, and seemingly robust; his face long and oval, hisnose aquiline, his mouth furnished with a set of elegant teeth, white asthe drifted snow, his complexion clear, and his aspect noble. Hischestnut hair loosely flowed in short natural curls; and his grey eyesshone with such vivacity, as plainly showed that his reason was a littlediscomposed. Such an appearance prepossessed the greater part of thecompany in his favour. He bowed round with the most polite and affableaddress; inquired about his squire, and, being informed of the pains Mr.Fillet had taken for his recovery, insisted upon that gentleman'saccepting a ha
ndsome gratuity. Then, in consideration of the cold bathhe had undergone, he was prevailed upon to take the post of honour;namely, the great chair fronting the fire, which was reinforced with abillet of wood for his comfort and convenience.

  Perceiving his fellow-travellers, either overawed into silence by hispresence, or struck dumb with admiration at his equipage, he accostedthem in these words, while an agreeable smile dimpled on his cheek:--

  "The good company wonders, no doubt, to see a man cased in armour, suchas hath been for above a whole century disused in this and every othercountry of Europe; and perhaps they will be still more surprised, whenthey hear that man profess himself a novitiate of that military order,which hath of old been distinguished in Great Britain, as well as throughall Christendom, by the name of knights-errant. Yes, gentlemen, in thatpainful and thorny path of toil and danger I have begun my career, acandidate for honest fame; determined, as far as in me lies, to honourand assert the efforts of virtue; to combat vice in all her forms,redress injuries, chastise oppression, protect the helpless and forlorn,relieve the indigent, exert my best endeavours in the cause of innocenceand beauty, and dedicate my talents, such as they are, to the service ofmy country."

  "What!" said Ferret, "you set up for a modern Don Quixote? The schemeis rather too stale and extravagant. What was a humorous romance andwell-timed satire in Spain near two hundred years ago, will make but asorry jest, and appear equally insipid and absurd when really acted fromaffectation, at this time of day, in a country like England."

  The knight, eyeing this censor with a look of disdain, replied, in asolemn, lofty tone: "He that from affectation imitates the extravaganciesrecorded of Don Quixote, is an impostor equally wicked and contemptible.He that counterfeits madness, unless he dissembles, like the elderBrutus, for some virtuous purpose, not only debases his own soul, butacts as a traitor to Heaven, by denying the divinity that is within him.I am neither an affected imitator of Don Quixote, nor, as I trust inHeaven, visited by that spirit of lunacy so admirably displayed in thefictitious character exhibited by the inimitable Cervantes. I have notyet encountered a windmill for a giant, nor mistaken this public-housefor a magnificent castle; neither do I believe this gentleman to be theconstable; nor that worthy practitioner to be Master Elizabat, thesurgeon recorded in Amadis de Gaul; nor you to be the enchanter Alquife,nor any other sage of history or romance; I see and distinguish objectsas they are discerned and described by other men. I reason withoutprejudice, can endure contradiction, and, as the company perceives, evenbear impertinent censure without passion or resentment. I quarrel withnone but the foes of virtue and decorum, against whom I have declaredperpetual war, and them I will everywhere attack as the natural enemiesof mankind."

  "But that war," said the cynic, "may soon be brought to a conclusion, andyour adventures close in Bridewell, provided you meet with somedetermined constable, who will seize your worship as a vagrant, accordingto the statute." "Heaven and earth!" cried the stranger, starting up,and laying his hand on his sword, "do I live to hear myself insulted withsuch an opprobrious epithet, and refrain from trampling into dust theinsolent calumniator?"

  The tone in which these words were pronounced, and the indignation thatflashed from the eyes of the speaker, intimidated every individual of thesociety, and reduced Ferret to a temporary privation of all hisfaculties. His eyes retired within their sockets; his complexion, whichwas naturally of a copper hue, now shifted to a leaden colour; his teethbegan to chatter; and all his limbs were agitated by a sudden palsy. Theknight observed his condition, and resumed his seat, saying, "I was toblame; my vengeance must be reserved for very different objects. Friend,you have nothing to fear--the sudden gust of passion is now blown over.Recollect yourself, and I will reason calmly on the observation you havemade."

  This was a very seasonable declaration to Mr. Ferret, who opened hiseyes, and wiped his forehead, while the other proceeded in these terms:"You say I am in danger of being apprehended as a vagrant. I am not soignorant of the laws of my country, but that I know the description ofthose who fall within the legal meaning of this odious term. You mustgive me leave to inform you, friend, that I am neither bearward, fencer,stroller, gipsy, mountebank, nor mendicant; nor do I practise subtlecraft, to deceive and impose upon the king's lieges; nor can I be held asan idle disorderly person, travelling from place to place, collectingmonies by virtue of counterfeited passes, briefs, and other falsepretences; in what respect, therefore, am I to be deemed a vagrant?Answer boldly without fear or scruple."

  To this interrogation the misanthrope replied, with a faltering accent,"If not a vagrant, you incur the penalty for riding armed in affray ofthe peace." "But, instead of riding armed in affray of the peace,"resumed the other, "I ride in preservation of the peace; and gentlemenare allowed by the law to wear armour for their defence. Some ride withblunderbusses, some with pistols, some with swords, according to theirvarious inclinations. Mine is to wear the armour of my forefathers.Perhaps I use them for exercise, in order to accustom myself to fatigue,and strengthen my constitution; perhaps I assume them for a frolic."

  "But if you swagger, armed and in disguise, assault me on the highway, orput me in bodily fear for the sake of the jest, the law will punish youin earnest," cried the other. "But my intention," answered the knight,"is carefully to avoid all those occasions of offence." "Then," saidFerret, "you may go unarmed, like other sober people." "Not so,"answered the knight; "as I propose to travel all times, and in allplaces, mine armour may guard me against the attempts of treachery; itmay defend me in combat against odds, should I be assaulted by amultitude, or have occasion to bring malefactors to justice."

  "What, then," exclaimed the philosopher, "you intend to co-operate withthe honourable fraternity of thief-takers?" "I do purpose," said theyouth, eyeing him with a look of ineffable contempt, "to act as acoadjutator to the law, and even to remedy evils which the law cannotreach; to detect fraud and treason, abase insolence, mortify pride,discourage slander, disgrace immodesty, and stigmatise ingratitude, butthe infamous part of a thief-catcher's character I disclaim. I neitherassociate with robbers and pickpockets, knowing them to be such, that, inbeing intrusted with their secrets, I may the more effectually betraythem; nor shall I ever pocket the reward granted by the legislature tothose by whom robbers are brought to conviction; but I shall always thinkit my duty to rid my country of that pernicious vermin, which prey uponthe bowels of the commonwealth--not but that an incorporated company oflicensed thieves might, under proper regulations, be of service to thecommunity."

  Ferret, emboldened by the passive tameness with which the stranger borehis last reflection, began to think he had nothing of Hector but hisoutside, and gave a loose to all the acrimony of his party rancour.Hearing the knight mention a company of licensed thieves, "What else,"cried he, "is the majority of the nation? What is your standing army athome, that eat up their fellow-subjects? What are your mercenariesabroad, whom you hire to fight their own quarrels? What is your militia,that wise measure of a sagacious ministry, but a larger gang of pettythieves, who steal sheep and poultry through mere idleness; and werethey confronted with an enemy, would steal themselves away? What is your . . . but a knot of thieves, who pillage the nation under colour oflaw, and enrich themselves with the wreck of their country? When youconsider the enormous debt of above an hundred millions, the intolerableload of taxes and impositions under which we groan, and the manner inwhich that burden is yearly accumulating, to support two Germanelectorates, without our receiving anything in return, but the shows oftriumph and shadows of conquest;--I say, when you reflect on thesecircumstances, and at the same time behold our cities filled withbankrupts, and our country with beggars, can you be so infatuated as todeny that the ministry is mad, or worse than mad--our wealth exhausted,our people miserable, our credit blasted, and our state on the brink ofperdition? This prospect, indeed, will make the fainter impression, ifwe recollect that we ourselves are a pack of such profligate, corrupted,
pusillanimous rascals, as deserve no salvation."

  The stranger, raising his voice to a loud tone, replied, "Such, indeed,are the insinuations, equally false and insidious, with which thedesperate emissaries of a party endeavour to poison the minds of hismajesty's subjects, in defiance of common honesty and common sense. Buthe must be blind to all perception, and dead to candour, who does not seeand own that we are involved in a just and necessary war, which has beenmaintained on truly British principles, prosecuted with vigour, andcrowned with success; that our taxes are easy, in proportion to ourwealth; that our conquests are equally glorious and important; that ourcommerce flourishes, our people are happy, and our enemies reduced todespair. Is there a man who boasts a British heart, that repines at thesuccess and prosperity of his country? Such there are, (Oh, shame topatriotism, and reproach to Great Britain!) who act as the emissaries ofFrance, both in word and writing; who exaggerate our necessary burdens,magnify our dangers, extol the power of our enemies, deride ourvictories, extenuate our conquests, condemn the measures of ourgovernment, and scatter the seeds of dissatisfaction through the land.Such domestic traitors are doubly the objects of detestation;--first, inperverting truth; and, secondly, in propagating falsehood, to theprejudice of that community of which they have professed themselvesmembers. One of these is well known by the name of Ferret, an old,rancorous, incorrigible instrument of sedition. Happy it is for him thathe has never fallen in my way; for, notwithstanding the maxims offorbearance which I have adopted, the indignation which the character ofthat caitiff inspires, would probably impel me to some act of violence,and I should crush him like an ungrateful viper, that gnawed the bosomwhich warmed it into life!"

  These last words were pronounced with a wildness of look, that evenbordered upon frenzy. The misanthrope once more retired to the pantryfor shelter, and the rest of the guests were evidently disconcerted.

  Mr. Fillet, in order to change the conversation, which was likely toproduce serious consequences, expressed uncommon satisfaction at theremarks which the knight had made, signified his approbation of thehonourable office he had undertaken, declared himself happy in havingseen such an accomplished cavalier, and observed, that nothing waswanting to render him a complete knight-errant, but some celebratedbeauty, the mistress of his heart, whose idea might animate his breast,and strengthen his arm to the utmost exertion of valour. He added, thatlove was the soul of chivalry.

  The stranger started at this discourse. He turned his eyes on thesurgeon with a fixed regard; his countenance changed; a torrent of tearsgushed down his cheeks; his head sunk upon his bosom; he heaved aprofound sigh, and remained in silence with all the external marks ofunutterable sorrow. The company were, in some measure, infected by hisdespondence, concerning the cause of which, however, they would notventure to inquire.

  By this time the landlady, having disposed of the squire, desired toknow, with many curtsies, if his honour would not choose to put off hiswet garments, assuring him, that she had a very good feather bed at hisservice, upon which many gentlevolks of the virst quality had lain, thatthe sheets were well aired, and that Dolly would warm them for hisworship with a pan of coals. This hospitable offer being repeated, heseemed to wake from a trance of grief, arose from his seat, and, bowingcourteously to the company, withdrew.

  Captain Crowe, whose faculty of speech had been all this time absorbed inamazement, now broke into the conversation with a volley ofinterjections. "Split my snatchblock!--Odd's firkin!--Splice my oldshoes!--I have sailed the salt seas, brother, since I was no higher thanthe Triton's taffrel--east, west, north, and south, as the saying is--Blacks, Indians, Moors, Morattos, and Seapoys;--but, smite my timbers!such a man of war--"

  Here he was interrupted by his nephew, Tom Clarke, who had disappeared atthe knight's first entrance, and now produced himself with an eagernessin his look, while the tears stared in his eyes.--"Lord bless my soul!"cried he, "I know that gentleman, and his servant, as well as I know myown father!--I am his own godson, uncle; he stood for me when he was aboy--yes, indeed, sir, my father was steward to the estate--I may say Iwas bred up in the family of Sir Everhard Greaves, who has been deadthese two years--this is the only son, Sir Launcelot; the best-natured,worthy, generous gentleman--I care not who knows it. I love him as wellas if he was my own flesh and blood."

  At this period, Tom, whose heart was of the melting mood, began to soband weep plenteously, from pure affection. Crowe, who was not verysubject to these tendernesses, d---ed him for a chicken-hearted lubber;repeating, with much peevishness, "What dost cry for? what dost cry for,noddy?" The surgeon, impatient to know the story of Sir Launcelot, whichhe had heard imperfectly recounted, begged that Mr. Clarke would composehimself, and relate it as circumstantially as his memory would retain theparticulars; and Tom, wiping his eyes, promised to give him thatsatisfaction; which the reader, if he be so minded, may partake in thenext chapter.